I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
