So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
