I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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