I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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