how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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