You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
