I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There r osticjed everywhere
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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