When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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