mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
