I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
