i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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