either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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