She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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