Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
