You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
