I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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