My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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