I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
