I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
