I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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