After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
