Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
