If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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