i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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