Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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