she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
