I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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