Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
