WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
