Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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