Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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