I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wear drunk well.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize