What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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