flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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