I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
