honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
