He is such a slut. More and more my type.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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