I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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