I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize