worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
