4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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