Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
