the condom got lost in my hair
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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