don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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