I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize