happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Shame is for Republicans.
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