haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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