my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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