she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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