just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize