I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
