also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
