It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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