so explain again why im purple
no
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize