I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
