I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
barbara walters just said penis...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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