He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
