tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
