Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
