Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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