i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
