well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
