you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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