So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
