based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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