Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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