You're so nebulous sometimes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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