so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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