he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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