So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
