Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
