sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
