I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
