i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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