she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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