Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
