Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
