New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
be right there i have to get my cape
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize