are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
