My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
