my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
