Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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