I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
