Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if only i could text you this smell
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize