he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
