you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
