His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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