You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
