forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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