you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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