i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm passing your future prison.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
