Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
