What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
