I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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