Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
