Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
