..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
