Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
