I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
