Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just gargled with NyQuil
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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