It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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