I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He felt like a one man threesome
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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