If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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