apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
