im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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