I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
